Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
