Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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