god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
