Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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