She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
