thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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