Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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