Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
