i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
