you have to choose: penises or morals?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
