Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize