i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
