So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
