What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
