i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
