Kareoke will never be a sober sport
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
