I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
