two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
