im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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