Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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