I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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