She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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