my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
