I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
