so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
