Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Randomize
