have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
