oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
