and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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