Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
