you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
