How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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