Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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