I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
