speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize