so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
