god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
