don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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