tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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