all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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