Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
