i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
