great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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