I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
