so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
