i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
