the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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