whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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