I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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