seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
