I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
