I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
