a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
