you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yo dont text me then not text me
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
