I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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