Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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