i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
