she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
