Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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