A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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