In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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