I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
