4 words: hood of his car
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
