remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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