Sry I called you an 8
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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