Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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