Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Found the puke drawer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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