I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
