Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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