dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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