he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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