Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
