I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
