Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
