the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
