I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
