Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
