You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
