yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
