You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
