They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
