I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
