a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
