it wasn't lemon gatorade
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
