I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize