I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
