We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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