Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
