How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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