Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize