They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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