I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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