dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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