first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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