If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
