at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
