I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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