i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize