I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
