Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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