So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
