After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
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