she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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